Days I want no more

When I was a child, I couldn't stop thinking about becoming an adult. Why, I don't know. I try to tell myself that it could be because of the hope shimmering inside, telling me that I could do anything I want once I grow up. I could eat as many ice creams I wanted, I could talk to anyone I liked, I could spend every single night watching TV, I could spend money like it wasn't mine.. ugh, this list could go on forever. The point is, I was always wanting to be one with the wind, indispensable but ever on the move. And for some reason, I believed that it would be possible if I became an adult. Friends or no friends, my world was always 'lit'. I have lost count of the nights I spent without a blink of sleep, because I was too excited waiting for my own birthday. I just.. I just liked being me. And when I became an adult, I wanted to tell the world that. 

I am a different person today, neck deep into adulthood. I now have everything that my younger self wanted. If I may, the seven year old me would even be proud. So instead of happiness, why do I have this weight over my shoulder that I can't quite shake off? Where is that child who smiled so easily? 

Looking back, I realise that it's just freedom that the child in me has been craving for so long. The freedom that makes me look bigger in my own eyes. Maybe, if someone had told me that being an adult is not about making all the decisions, but being accountable for them, I would not have wanted it at all. 

it's okay to cry.

IT'S OKAY TO CRY! 

 

 At some point all of us have been in a situation where you just want to sit in one corner and cry for hours. You just wish to cry till you start choking. You just wish to let your heart and mind free from all that's making you cry. But, you don't. You feel, if you cry you'll not be a strong person. Bow what? Crying your eyes out doesn't turn you into a weak person. You're still strong; to handle so much negativity around you. You'll start to abhor the people around you. And it's totally fine.

 

  A person becomes empty when they've been hurting for a long time. Take care of yourself before taking care of any other human around you. Be there for yourself first and then for others. It's okay to cry. It's okay to ask for help. You're still strong because instead of screaming or yelling at people, you sit in a corner and try to handle yourself. You should never be ashamed of your tears. Somewhere or the other, tears have made you strong in a way you never imagined. Stop suppressing your feelings, stop hiding your emotions. CRY when you feel like. You don't have to always toughen yourself. You should let the tears flow, stopping them just increases the pain.

 

 Everyone is fighting with their own demons. No one is perfect and perfect is lame. Tears come from pain, sorrow, frustration, and whatnot. But you can get up again. You always have, you always will. Stay positive, all the pain and cries will be worth one day.

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The so called happy world

We live in a connected world. It’s so easy to keep in touch, a tag on social media, a shared post, a forwarded meme, a reply to a story, few emojis in comments, and we think that we are there for each other. So all these "cool" people have so many friends, so many people around them. They need each other in group pictures at cool places so that they look like living it up. You watch all that on your feed, and you think that "this is life." What I am even doing with my life? I am such a loser. I have no one. And before you know it, a peaceful happy existence becomes a dreadful lame one. You start to force yourself into sadness. I blame you. But I don’t blame you completely. We are a slave to comparison. We look around, and we compare. So when you look around and don’t see a friend, you will feel unlucky. But are you really doomed? I don’t think so. I seriously believe that most people, I repeat - most people, are fake. Most friendships are of convenience, a mutual need. You will not find them crying together in a crisis. They are there for the selfies, for the tags, and for the parties. But beyond that, deeper than that, there is nothing between them.

You know, more people will always mean more mess. You will end up dividing your time more. You will end up losing your focus on things that matter to you. Your career will get affected. Your emotional health will take a back seat. And all that for this shallow feeling of “Look, I have so many people around me.” You don’t need fake people with selfish interests in head. You don’t need people who are not deep into you. You don’t need people who don’t intend to keep this bond for a lifetime. Your time is just too precious to waste on these temporary distractions. Cherish those one or two people who really love you. And other than them, just don’t care. Please better stay alone. Invest more time, emotions, and love on yourself. You need more of that, trust me. These people that you look around, they are different species. You are a different soul. You don’t need their circus. You don’t need their drama. You are stardust.

#kho gye hum kaha...

kho gaye hum kahan brings peace to you. it fixes you like a cup of hot coffee when you have a cold. it takes you back to a time when everything was simple, and it was all easy. it takes you back to a magical fairyland where it is you, and your happiness on a swing.

this song makes you smile as you think of that puppy love. you think about the first time when you fell in love when you were fourteen. you stood outside their tuition center with their favorite book in your hand. this song brings back those warm memories which are now lost in time. 

the song is a bowl full of nostalgia. it reminds you of the lanes that go to your home. it reminds you of that old school playground where you ran for the first time on sport's day. it reminds you of the moment when you walked out of the building for the last time.

the song takes you to a dreamscape where everything is perfect. you are holding the hand of the one you love as the two of you are walking by the beach. this song makes you wonder if all of this is even real? you keep wondering how much of this is even real.

i don't know if time machine will ever exist, but this song teleports you into a time when you were happy. this song takes you to a time when all your problems were small enough that your mom could fix them in a jiffy. this is a song about the time when life was simple.

kho gaye hum kaha is a song about losing yourself and finding that part again with them. you realize how the world disappears when you’re spending time with them. yet, you’re never truly lost, because you’ve them.

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