Just because a connection with a person doesn't last forever doesn't mean its not real.

It saddens me for how easy it is for our generation to throw the good part of a relationship down the trash just because it ended.

It saddens me how easy it comes to people that the first thing they do post break-up is remove their pictures from their social media.

It saddens me how, no matter how hard it is for you, but still you eventually find a way to tell yourself that this… wasn’t real.

Growing up, you hear so many love stories of perfect partners with their perfect relationships and happy endings that you make your naïve heart believe in them so much so that if you don’t find it to your own story, it doesn’t amount much to you.

Sigh.

Sadly, that’s not how connections work in real life. On the other side of the screen, connections are messy, different and most of all, incomplete.

Your life is like a puzzle and all your lifetime you keep moving and replacing the pieces around to see the bigger picture. But, you forget that the only thing that completes the picture is the pieces in itself.

You forget that the picture isn’t just this one piece (one happy ending) you keep looking for, but it’s the hundred small pieces which help you get there.

You remember that first relationship, stupid and naïve? Possessive and insecure? When you were too possessive to let go off them for a second, and they felt insecure even when you made new friends?

Then eventually you parted ways, and you realised how stupid it was to make your life revolve around that one person you’re in love with.

If it wasn’t for the past connections which you left behind, you’d still be the 16yo with those knick-knacks, confusions, and not at all as close to your happy ending as you are today.

These long lost forever(s) are the connections which may not last forever

but still are as real as the one which WILL last forever someday.

Peace.

___

as you not wish

I will be honest here. I did try to hate you. I did curse you for hurting me. I did blame you for my pain, for my tears. I did try to erase you completely out of my mind. And in some rather desperate and weakest moments, I did want you to suffer this pain too. But that phase did not last. And of course, it did not work to soothe my seething soul. Now, I have made my peace with you, what we had. I don't want to erase you off my life. You will always be a part of it, a brief but beautiful part. Yes, we did have our dark spots, our moments of shame. But overall, it was still a beautiful phase of my life. And don't worry, I am not setting my mind to get you back in my life. I have accepted that we are meant to part ways. You know, I have shed tears, listening to songs. I have choked watching an emotional scene on the screen. Sometimes, I have cried just sitting. Nothing happened, but tears just slid down my cheeks like a rainfall. I have felt every possible low that a breakup can give you. But now, I have healed. I smile. I laugh. I sit in peace. I sleep like a baby. And now I can really look back and look at you again. And what do I feel?

I pray for you, at times, you know. It's not like a formal, long prayer. But yeah, I kind of close my eyes and pray for you to be happy. That's what I feel for you. I want you to be happy. I don't want you to suffer any karma. I don't wish you any harm. It will bring some peace to my soul that you are doing good. Your happiness will set me free in a way. I can be more free in my heart. What were we? We were too close, right? Too damn close, so close that we have cried each other's tears in our eyes. And when your souls have felt so close, how can you not pray for that soul? Can I ever become so heartless? I tried, to be honest. But as it turned out, I was just too pure to be so petty. I know that as life moves on, your face, your eyes, and your name will fade away a little. But trust me, even at my deathbed, you will have a moment of flashback in my heart. Before leaving this planet forever, I would pray for you, one last time. 

~ 

DONT LOVE LIKE OUR GENERATION DOES..

don’t love like my generation does

we’re a generation of broken people. we take things either too seriously or casually. we open our hearts, love with everything we have, travel 10kms just to get an ice-cream with them, or we shut people out, ghost them, and binge-watch all day.

we are not the first generation to be going through several crises at once – unemployment, recession, lockdown, a civil war, and a pandemic – yet our only plan to fight against all of this is by looking at memes. we smile, smirk, and laugh, go back to feeling lonely. that’s us.

our generation redefined love stories. we all have heard stories from our elders, how they would meet secretly after school or call on the landline and hope their lovers pick up the phone instead of their parents. but now, we hang out in cafes and snap when we’re bored.

once upon a time, we’d fall in and fall out of love without our parents ever finding out about it. but now, it’s not true love unless you post a picture with them on the internet.

we ruined the concept of love. we seek solace in moments that don’t last. from one night stands to casual dating, everything is available on our fingertips, and it is all okay, but the problem is that we’re the generation who has forgotten to love selflessly, to stand up for love, to believe in something, like the concept of forever.

we don’t practice what we preach. we read books like ‘the fault in our stars’, consume movies like ‘me before you’, and we all want a happy ending, but we don’t put efforts. we don’t cross mountains or even puddles.

we just want all things to happen quickly. did we forget to love? we run before we can walk. we are not shy, we’re forward. we approach people we like. when we get bored, we move onto the next person. our bio says, “thank you, next”.

we’re leaving behind too many broken hearts and broken hearts raise broken families. perhaps, we’re the last generation who will love. anyone after us, they will all be in love with the concept of love.

Inspired from Netflix special: Daniel Sloss Jigsaw

seize the moment

What are your favourite memories? Are they the ones you create or the ones that just happen to you? No matter how much you believe in Carpe Diem, you will always find yourself stuck in the moments and even if it is weird to think, you think the moment is seizing you rather than you seizing the moment! 

It is like a photograph, you know? You may think it captured the moment, but isn’t it you who is in that moment? Isn’t it the moment that has captured you in that very second of life? Like a photograph captures you being the happiest, weirdest, closest and most real to yourself, it’s always the moment that seizes you to the very core.

While there's this whole seizing-the-day part and trusting little for the next moment, you believe that the moment is perpetual because if it is all about living at the moment then what about your hopes for the future? With this whole in-this-moment notion, hopes become invalid, and that is something that you can't gulp down your throat.

It will not be hard to believe that whatever you do to mould the moment in, you will always be moulded away. Things like hope, happiness, emotions, and all the other things will always be there to mould you in every single moment. And if not, what will make you human?

This moment is so powerful - it seizes you and holds you in it forever.

___

yes,I know a girl

I know a girl who doesn't understand the concept of filters, doesn't understand boundaries, stays up late in case she remembers birthdays, and sends out comforting texts to anybody she thinks she can help.

I know a girl who is too pure, sometimes too considerate. I know a girl who believes that things can be fixed even after their broken pieces have cut her skin. I know a girl who craves stability, but she hasn't learnt that lesson yet. I know this girl who cares a little too much.

I know a girl who's a bit sensitive, and sometimes, a little too negative. I think she rants way more than she should and can be harsh at times. I know a girl who's a little too private about her life but also over shares. I think nobody ever taught her the concept of in-between.

I know this girl who is a little too much of everything you don't want and a little too less than being just enough. I think nobody ever taught her how to be enough. This girl I know is a terrible mess.

This girl I know rants a little too much. This girl I know is terrible at leaving but also too quick at pushing people away. I am telling you that this girl I know is bad-bad poetry with no proper spacings and punctuation, but when you read her out, she has a story that makes sense. It's just that it is a little too hard to read her. You'll try and fail at the first sentence.

But I am telling you that this girl I know is anything but simple. This girl that I know will almost always forgive you, just that she'll not forget things easily. I am telling you that this girl is a bad poem, full of broken sentences and misspelt words and you'll never reach the end

and this girl I know, she is a goddamn hurricane.

__

unvoiced things...