Maa ki kahani thi,
Pariyon ka fasana tha;
Barish mein kagaz ki naav thi,
Har mausam suhana tha.
Har khel mein saathi the,
Har rishta nibhana tha;
Gum ki zuban na hoti thi,
Na zakhmon ka paimana tha.
Rone ki wajah na thi,
Na hansne ka bahana tha;
Kyon ho gaye hum itne bade,
Isse achha to woh Bachpan ka Zamana tha…
Very few, lucky ones are given a chance to pursue their dreams and passion in a society like our's.
Well, because let's face it, we live in a country where decisions are given, not choices; where no high-school kid is asked if he actually wanted to be an "engineer" before pushing him through the gates of a JEE preparation coaching centre; where every event in your life should happen at the correct age... 18 pe selection, 23 pe job, 25 pe shaadi, 28 pe family and so on. A little bit of deviation from this life is neither acceptable by the society nor by our parents. Majority of the "ideal" kids never learn to say a "no" to their parents and accept the decisions quietly.
Some, may find happiness midway. But...what about those 'nalayaks' who were thrown under the bus but they could not get up at the correct moment, those who got crushed, crushed beneath the expectations, beneath their parents' dreams, beneath the societal pressure, beneath the burden to clear the "oh-so-smart-people-go-there" IIT examination. I give the example to IIT because I feel the exam itself has destroyed more lives than the institute has made. Those poor ones were never given a chance to think, to explore, to actually know what they wanted to do in their life. Maybe they wanted to be a wildlife photographer or a poet or an actor or anybody, anybody but what they are today. Those kids are still clueless, they still don't know where to turn the wheel of their life, all because the steering was never given to them from the childhood, because the only choice they were given was in the form of MCQs.
You look in those eyes, you can see the pain of not getting what they wanted and of not giving their parents the happiness they deserved. These will keep all of it in their heart. Only behind that perfect mask of happiness will you find the burned up soul. The soul which is still searching for a reason to live, to survive and to carry on. The hungry soul from which happiness has been sucked long back, as if a dementor kissed them.
Even after being frustrated to the deepest core and giving up on their life and on their ambitions; they will not stop existing, they will survive because they still can't hurt their parents, they still HAVE TO BE the ideal child.
Maybe they will let it all out one day; to their sibling or to a friend or to a psychiatrist; or they will just swallow that lump developing in their throat and in that smudged handwriting tell their story to a piece of paper.
He is the one, the one who makes me smile.
He is the one, the one who added to my responsibility. He sits, crawls, and rolls. He smiles, cries, and likes my shoulder.
He is the one, the one I call Titan. And he waits to grow.
Tiny toes and tiny fingers, wet are they all day.
Pinkish nose and silky hair, pampered all day.
Tender skin and crunching belly, fed all day.
I adore him and tell him stories beyond his reach.
Now, he pushes, stands, and waits, waits for me to hail him.
He twists, tangles, and tries his disco.
Titan he is, and he is set to walk.
‘Walk alongside me, my Titan, walk with me.’
Titan he is, and he walks. ‘Catch Papa,’ I utter.
Tiny, yet like a swaying titan, careful, and focused, he reaches me.
‘Paaa … Paa,’ he utters.
He is the sense of my life.
Time runs fast, and so does my Titan,
From walking to running, from running to beating me! Now, I watch him run.
Titan he is, and he has grown tall and strong.
No more bedtime stories, for he speaks and teaches now.
No more walks alongside, for he has become busy. Boyhood and privacy, college and girlfriend, Titan is all grown.
No more to pet, he is free and willing to pursue.
In pursuit, he leaves; in pride, he returns.
Papa, who walked alongside, is no more.
Papa has tried, but he is weak and old.
Bedridden I am, and they say hemiplegia.
Stumbled with stroke and bedridden for months!
Electrocuted by physio and hoped recovery for months. Finally, I stand. ‘Papa, walk now towards me,’ he utters. With tears in my eyes, I walk. Like a swaying Titan, I walk.
I hold him and walk alongside.
He is my Titan; I love him forever.
Life is bless, and love is bliss.
And I love him forever.
I don’t know if I’m cool to be with, but honestly I want to be.
I don’t say I’m reticent, but do you think you knew me?
I might be stubborn & hard headed moody and freak!
Please don’t go when I’m saying I’m okay but don’t want to speak.
You may say I’m emotional despondent, difficult to fathom with
I’m sorry, but I’m really quiet unless someone made me excited or thrilled
Some say I’m too out-going, too loud, rebellious & mad,
While others see me as timid but shrewd yet pathetic & sad
Mom believes I can bring down the house, but I can’t stand in a crowd
Dad says “You must be fiercely strong and independent to survive”
Advice you to do “this and that” and what “should & should not”
All they say will remain as opinion and what matters is your decision,
because you as a person should decide for your retention.
They set rules & expectations before asking my ambition.
Awkwardly they won’t give me a chance to choose & decide
Almost always forgot to ask what I really want.
So inside I became frail & dumb.
So as I follow them I grow weak and numb.
Eat their words and swallow my pride.
Maybe I’m really wild at times or maybe I don’t know who I really am.
I want to be in many places, make contacts and hoard memories.
I want to experience life, do things and feel my existence.
I want to be diligent but clumsy at times.
I want to be me not to be them.
Silence
They say that words are what make you, you. But I beg to differ, I’d say silences define us. Just a quantum of time that you are lost in, when you feel so ecstatic to be at peace with your thoughts. Talking, yes its important to get to know a person, but silence speaks a language of its own. Love, comfort and understanding aren’t all these observed mostly in the silent moments.
How your mother knows each and every emotion of yours without you having to speak out a word, or it maybe your best friend, your brother or your teacher. Silence transports us to a different state of mind, it gives clarity on what is important and what isn’t. You find yourself feeling happiness in the purest form, now why do I say that, well, it’s because you didn’t need a reason to feel it. It was involuntary, not a consequence. To find comfort in silence is a best gift one can get.
It is in these moments that we have with someone or ourselves, we find the courage to face the truth as to what we are, what we can be and what do we need to do to get there. Silence is beautiful. Silence is like rain, it can wash away all the hurt, the insecurities and leave a shiny perception of life. The eyes are one of the best examples.
When words fell short to express what she felt her eyes did, as the train left the station , as she stepped out of her comfort zone, as she let go of what she once held the most dearest, as she parted with her friend, when someone complimented her, when someone went out of the way to do things for her, when they managed to keep their promises, last day of school, as she let go of his hand, if you observed closely, there was something that her eyes were trying to tell you, did you notice or ignore it like most of them?
Indeed, I’d say silences speak bigger than words.
